Why am I here to get my second YTT cert

I had a 200hrs yoga teacher training long time ago. From that time I was introduced something( energy, mental, spiritual ) other than our material life, I was so excited to explore the spiritual path, I’ve read a lot of spiritual related articles, did a lot energy healing by others to clear my chakras, bought a lot crystals trying to sense the energy, learnt different kind of meditation skills and so on. But Sometimes I feel lost what am I in my life. I feel that I know so lititle and there are so many things need to learn. It was so hard that I can reach the highest state ( enlightened). And I can’t apply spiritual into my life with my family and friends, either I judge them or judge myself which is right or wrong. I am struggling on it for quite a long time.

Until I quit my job by the end of last year. I was thinking to take another 200hrs YTT in Tirisula because I’ve no confidence to start teaching although I have YTT cert.

when the first day I came, master asked us introducing ourselves and some other questions which was not related to the training, after that he concluded all of us came here not for the cert. we should find out something else which was the real purpose after the course. I couldn’t understand at that time. But now two weeks passed. I understand what he meant.

I have learnt so much from him not only the asanas but also how to live alive and enjoy to live in the material world. I feel more calm in my life and easy to deal with my family. Before the training, everything I am going to do I will calculate is it worth? am I right? What If the result is not good? Now I just want to be myself, explore and focus more on me, do what I like to do, just enjoy it. Don’t care about the result.

Another thing I have learnt is enjoy NOW, wherever I am, whoever I stay with, just experience the space of present, feel others feeling, but be detached. Like a glass of clear water, if put in front of red paper, it becomes red color, if put in front of blue color, it becomes blue color, but if take away from the paper, it is still clear water.