I am a fish

I am a fish living in the aquarium, looking for the sea, but I scare the unknown sea.

I was well protected by my parents since I was born and everything was edited “nicely”, people around me declared that “I am a good girl”, the deep meaning is that everything I should listen to my parents, follow whatever they let me to do. I’ve never ever thought it was my real life or not?

When I went to school I always seek so call “standard answer” or “model answer ” , every test or exam or even answer teachers’ questions should be close to the standard answer, If not I felt I was wrong and blamed myself. This idea killed all my creativity and made me no confidence.

until one year, I came to Singapore for studying , this was the first time I left my parents. I thought I should be free BUT actually not! I couldn’t make any decision without asking them, lucky I came with some friends, I just followed them. But because of less experience, I always scare exploring the area which unknown, I played my role carefully and safely.

Atter few years later , I married, my husband became my life advisor… I jumped from one aquarium to another aquarium. But I was still not realized until I’ve took my first YTT.

Something had changed internally in my heart. I was trying to seek what was happening  inside, how to make my life more happy and peaceful. In the first few years, I was more anxious because I couldn’t practice properly and exactly same as what I have learnt from spiritual articles and books. I couldn’t calm my mind down and blamed me as when I was in school.

Now I’ve realized that I am like a fish, staying in aquarium for long time, I am trying to swim to the sea but I can’t survive actually. That’s why I am struggling all the time. Master told us we can’t “split our legs into two boat, choose one boat and stay with happy. Enjoy the life.