It was 4 years back when I had my ever first experience in yoga practice. At that time my idea towards yoga is just one exercise that could help me get in a better body shape and at the same time relief my stress from my work and studies. Apart from a full time job in the daytime, I had to go for part-time night course to further my studies. Thus there’re overwhelming level of stresses which had caused an negative impact on my physical and mental wellbeing.

Knowing the symptoms caused by stress , I started to find some activities that can ease the stress and calm myself down by clearing my thoughts and mind after a long busy day. So here’s how yoga came in my mind.

During that period of time, I didn’t think much deeply about yoga like it’s origins, philosophy and etc. I simply just enjoyed the whole physical practices and the benefits it brought to me. I attended the yoga class almost everyday after work except those days for night classes or dates with friends. It lasted me for about a year. After that I got distracted by other sport activities so I stopped going for it. But in deep inside of me, I truly enamoured in yoga. I deeply believed that one day I will come back again by all means.

Now, after four years, I’m married and have a baby girl with me. It’s an another stages of life. This is the period where I truly know what is it feel like being a mum. It’s definitely a challenging journey to me, yet rewarding at the same time especially whenever I look into her beautiful eyes on her little tiny face.

Becoming a parent for the first time is “the ultimate shift from self-centred living to selfless living” – Carolyn Wagner

It’s truly a life changing moment. It takes unbelievable amounts of patience, constantly worry for every little things, always in a heightened state of awareness and tends to be physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted everyday. So here’s where I call yoga in my mind again.

Another reason is by being a stay-home-mum, I always looking for a flexible job that can earn some extra income at the same time looking after my baby. Besides that I always want to have some me time to do workout or exercise to sweat myself out for a boost of positive energy. Thus sounds like being a yoga instructor fits all my desires in one go. This fully explains why I’m here with Tirisula YTT 200 Hr course and I know I’m getting nearer and nearer to my goal now.

I strongly believe that it’s never too late to pursue our dream no matter how our life circumstances turn us in. Takes the very first step forward, even though just a small one, you will be surprised how a brand new life awaits you!

Hi guys, it’s me again . so as you guys knew that I am a mother of 3 kids, a housewife . I wanted to had kids in a young age and it always in mine mind since I was little . 

So I didn’t went to university to study after my high school. I met my husband and we had kids after that not so long. And now I’m a mother of 3.

So in my life or most of woman life ,  their goals in life always have Career and built a Family.

And so for me as well, those 2 goals are very important with me. I spending almost 5 year’s to staying home to have kids and  take care of my family. Since the kids going to school one by one, I started to have more time for myself . and I want to learn something, find something that can suit myself , a job that I can enjoy, that I still have time to spend with my family, take care of my kids, or be there for them when they need me anytime. Doing something that make me happy, heathy and the most important thing is NO STRESS .

I talked to my friends ,to my husband about it, and they asked me what do I like , what is make you happy , and what would make me want to do it everyday, everywhere, anytime ???

And I realize that doing YOGA is the only things that I enjoy and fit with all the condition that I wanted.

I had been doing yoga so much ,since got my baby and there are so many benefit from yoga that I find for myself. I do it when I need to release all the tired , the stresses , a place that I can have a peace moment just for myself. For my physical and metal body.

So, I took the next step and registered for 200hr teacher training . It was perhaps the hardest, most rewarding, time of my practice ,all the new vocabularies I need to understand . all the theory that I need to able to understand in English , and the Sanskrit that I need to remember. As a housewife with 3 young kids was very tough for me, sometime I just wanted to give up, I just wanted to sleep all day, and during practice I would actually utter the words “I’ll quit “ , But then I tried to be strong, I push myself more to do it. Tried harder to make my postures right. To lift my whole body up. which is I would never though that I can do that.

I still have one more week to finished my course , but I can feel a big different my mind Physical , mental and Spiritual . I had learn so much from my teacher. I’m get to know more and deeper about yoga, the more I know about it ,the more I’m falling love with it. And I feel I’M NICER AFTER YOGA .

Now that I am about 3/4 way into the 200-hour YTT, I feel more prepared to write about this topic that has been in my drafts for the last couple of weeks.

My thoughts about Yoga has been evolving. From when I first started, it was a fitness routine. It had also led me to find a community that made my overseas work assignment feel like my second home (if you’d read my earlier post, you’ll see why). In this world of busy-ness, whereby our schedules are packed tighter than sardines in a can, I find that yoga has led me to become more introspective. By looking deeper into my thoughts and what that inner voice is trying to tell me to do – and this could be as simple as breathing.

For anyone that thinks that Yoga is simple, I would urge you to think again and to think deeper. Yoga as a subject matter is a union, that connects us with the wider universe that we are a part of. I used to be so caught up with plans, schedules and maximising every second of my life, pushing harder, pushing deeper. Whereas the me today takes a more adaptive approach towards life. It does not need to have a plan for every second, though a general longer term plan is still my guide.

In addition to working towards a deeper practice, I particularly enjoy learning about the philosophies of yoga. I was never quite a philosophical person, but I found through yoga, that I am actually pretty reflect-ive as a person. I enjoy learning about the wise words of those who have contemplated so much about life. Beyond the physical practice, I enjoy learning more about the unknowns. How we are connected to this universe in past, present and future lives, how continuous hard work together with building faith will lead us to success and more importantly, knowing that there is almost never an end to this learning journey.

We rely on our 5 senses — sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch — to make observations. Through association, we make sense of this information in the brain to provide accurate impressions of the world. But are they really accurate?

Take optical illusions for example. 

The image above shows a grid of white lines against a black background with white dots at their points of intersection. Except, the dots are sometimes seen and perceived as black. Do the black dots exist? No. But do we see them? Yes. 

An illusion is a distortion of the senses; A failure to make an accurate perception.

Or what about synesthesia, the condition where people can see colours when they hear noises, or hear sounds when they see moving dots? If these colours or images are only seen inside the mind of one person, does it mean it exists? Or does it not exist because there are no other observers to these images?

But first, what does it mean to “Exist”?
According to the cambridge dictionary, to exist means to be, or to be real. 
What is considered “real” then?

Our senses are evidently not entirely reliable as illustrated in the above two examples. To add fuel to fire, the way our mind processes these sensorial information aren’t entirely accurate either. 

Firstly, the brain only processes information that it thinks will be useful at a later date. So not all information is taken in; only a semblance of a full picture. Secondly, the way we perceive or interpret as fact may often be clouded by preconceived notions, past experiences, and prejudices. Thirdly, imagination and association comes into play in the story telling mind. We often try to fill in the blanks in order to make sense of our reality. 

In the film “Room”, a boy (Jack) lived in a shed where he and his mother were held captive. They shared a bed, toilet, bathtub, television and kitchen. The only window was a skylight. He was born in the room and believed that only the Room and its contents were real. The rest of the world existed only on television. After 7 years of growing up in the room, they finally got a chance to escape and Jack stepped into the outside world for the first time. He struggled to adjust to life in the larger world, and expressed a desire to return to the room. The room was his only reality. 

Is this where we are currently in relation to our knowledge of higher consciousness or the existence of a supreme being? Are we also stuck in the room, thinking this is our reality when actually “reality” is something much bigger? 

Let’s look at a different example.

Schrödinger’s cat is a thought experiment involving a cat in a box and a radioactive source. If there is radioactivity, the flask holding the poison will be shattered, and hence kill the cat. Before opening the box, there is no way of finding out if the cat is dead or alive. It is thus proposed that the cat is simultaneously both dead and alive. 

Applying that logic to the existence of a supreme being — we are in the state of uncertainty and are unable to open the box to prove if it exists or not. Till we are able to open the box, we can only speculate. 

We have no physical evidence to prove the existence of a supreme being. Even if there is evidence through the lens of someone else (like the TV in Jack’s room), are we able to take that as our reality? How do you prove if the outside world is true? If one day we are lucky enough to “encounter” or “experience” this supreme being, are our senses and mind ready to perceive what really is?

But then again, after all these questions being asked, does it matter whether we know for sure or not?

“ACTIVATE YOUR PSOAS” is probably one of the most commonly heard phrase for any student taking YTT. 

The Psoas muscle is probably one of the most important muscle in your body. It is a combination of two large muscles: the psoas major and the iliacus. They attach from the 12th thoracic vertebrae to the 5th lumbar vertebrae, through the pelvis , and to the inside of the proximal femur bone. This muscle is responsible for plenty of day-to-day activities, including stabilising the trunk and spine during movement and sitting. It is also connected to the breath due to its connection to the diaphragm. When startled or stressed, the psoas contracts as well.

In yoga, the psoas plays an important role in all the asanas. For instance, contracting the psoas bends the trunk forward in Paschimotanasana, or draws the knee up in Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana. Contracting the psoas on one side flexes the trunk, allowing for Utthita Trikonasana. Stretching the psoas allows for backbends such as Ustrasana. A toned psoas is also required for all inversions and arm balances. 

Outside of yoga however, we do not hear much of this muscle. What is focused on in most workouts or physical exercises target superficial muscles such as sculpting the ideal 6pac abdominals, training for bulging biceps and achieving firm glutes. 

In society, plenty of emphasis is placed on outward appearances. The clothes you wear and how well groomed you are affects the way other people perceive you. Looking the part can help you get ahead in job interviews. A physically attractive person can easily impress others. The endless bombardment of advertisements promoting unattainable beauty standards also has a large part to play. Look good, feel good — Looking good can help build your self esteem. Or so they say. This “self-esteem” or self image, however, is built on what other people think of you. External means are used to fulfil internal satisfaction. 

Back to the psoas muscles — An imbalance in the muscle can cause various problems such as pain in the lower back and hips when lifting the legs. Back pain is common, and posture can be affected. Internal muscles are equally important, if not more important, than superficial muscles. 

Likewise, the inner self needs equal, if not more, nourishment. Clinical depression has surged by huge percentages in recent decades. Self help related sales have been on an increase year-on-year, with books on topics such as happiness and self-esteem topping the charts. People increasingly find that the mind and body are at odds with each other.

Yoga is an internal journey and is beyond anything I have mentioned above. Not only does it strive to achieve the union of mind and body, it also includes the soul. 

The 8 limbs of yoga (Ashtanga) include:

1. Yamas – guidelines for social behaviour
2. Niyamas – guidelines for inner discipline and responsibility 
3. Asanas – physical practice of holding steady, continuous, comfortable poses
4. Pranayama – practising the extension of breath
5. Pratyahara – removal of mind from sense organs
6. Dharana – concentration
7. Dhyana – meditation
8. Samadhi – transcendence

It is unknown whether or not samadhi is ever achievable in this lifetime. Having that as a goal and through the practice of yoga however, allows for an internal transformation starting from physical, to mental, to spiritual. What is shown on the outside / the external as a by-product then ceases to matter.

Internal to external. Selfishness to selflessness. Inward focus to outward focus. 

“Go deeper, go deeper, go deeper.”

I laid down on my back in Savasana after what felt like a very intense and fulfilling yoga session. It was only the third day of YTT, and my body was not yet used to the physical demands of all the conditioning we did. Nonetheless, the workout felt good. Finally, relaxation. Melting the body into the mat, feeling the perspiration slowly dry under the cool air from the air conditioning, the meditative voice of our teacher – it all felt calming. But the moment my body started to fully settle and cool down, I felt a sudden tightness in the body and tears started rolling out the corner of my eyes. Before I could make sense of what was happening, I was bawling.

As it turns out, it is fairly common for emotional releases to happen on the mat. So, what exactly was happening?

Focusing on the breath during meditation or savasana helps to calm the mind, taking away superficial stress and worry. But the silence and “going deeper” also forces us to access the feelings we bury and push aside on a daily basis. Emotional pain can feel overwhelming and crippling. The body hence comes to defense and does things to stop the pain from being fully experienced as a form of coping mechanism. There is thus a break between body and mind. However in yoga, the mind, body and spirit exists as one — or at least that’s the goal. The 3 are interconnected. The body keeps the score even if you’re not consciously thinking about it from day to day. It holds on to emotional tension, pain, trauma and intense joy. Through asanas, it wakes up the parts of the body that holds these emotions, helping to break through unresolved issues and energy.

Some say that hip-opening poses are good for helping to find release. It is not scientifically proven, but perhaps it can be  understood when relating to Chakras. The muladhara chakra is situated in the tailbone. The traits stored in this chakra includes security, self confidence, body image, and connection with nature. The swadishtana chakra, located in the sacrum, includes gender identity, anger, and sexual relations. The manipura chakra, located at the naval, includes belonging, trust, intimacy, friendship, status of your current position in life and whether it deviates from your true nature, and fear. It seems like  plenty of emotions are stored in these 3 chakras, all of which are situated near the hips. Perhaps they are stirred whenever sitting in a hip-opening pose. 

There are also sources that speak of the benefits of chest openers in relation to emotional release. This could be due to the increased flow of Prana (life force) which is situated in the anahada chakra (heart). Prana rides on the breath, which correlates to our respiratory system. According to the chinese, grief is stored in the lungs. Crying also involves gasping for air. 

However, I wonder how accurate these deductions are. If they are, could this be a potential way of identifying internal issues through physical tensions observed during asana postures? Or, could postures targeted at certain emotions be used in psychotherapy for healing?