I would say that I am a very observant person that I take notice even my own emotion or attitude towards certain things, events or people. There are cases wherein I would snap out at people and later in retrospect, I would come to realize that I overreacted, and I could have done better had I controlled my emotion. Not every action requires a reaction.
Yes, my childhood background in some ways play a role why I was angry or why my most dominant emotion was anger. For some people, they may cry when confronted by certain events or by people but mine, I get angry. That time I don’t know why but I decided to take the rein of my emotions.
I began reading about self-help books and then I came across of Eckhart Tolle’s work, A New Earth. It helped me identify why I was angry and from there it led me to meditation. Sitting meditation was challenging for me when I started so I practiced walking meditation instead every day for one to two hours. Over the course of time, I felt lighter like bouncing back each step that I took, and I felt taller than my 158cm stature. I came to develop a new skill which to step back and look inwardly before reacting. I felt calmer though there were still times I snapped at people, but I would say that I had improved.
That feeling of calmness and stillness is something that I want to maintain not just during my walking meditation but 24/7 if possible. I am a continuous work in progress.
