My warped thoughts

Having almost completing the 200 YTT series, I have to think back and re-evaluate, how far I have come, why am I still doing this and what do I want at the end of it. Sounds negative?
It is quite amazing to admit that I actually signed up for this course without much thought, actually a little on impulse. Just with the intention to know that while I practice in a gym, I am doing the poses correctly, breathing correctly. Now that I think back, I can have the knowledge I need just by taking private classes instead of going through the course. Sometimes the creativity and the limitation of the mind really amaze me.
However, once in the course, it opens my mind in many ways. The extra knowledge you learned, the people you meet from different backgrounds and I actually learn a lot more about myself, physically, mentally and even spiritually.
Of many great things I learnt, the most invaluable would be the deeper understanding of me mentally. The countless questions I asked myself, the ways I try to push myself to go on, the self talks to stay positive and accept things as they are and working on challenging myself instead of keeping the focus outside of myself. It is not easy when you have a room full of highly competent classmates. But when you overcome it and accept it, understand that the competitor is actually your own self, and then there is a break through.
Acceptance of your performance no matter good or bad is a key to challenging yourself to another level. A very simple concept to say but not easy to understand and react to, especially to me, a highly competitive and goal oriented person. It is a much needed humbling experience for me, to accept that not everybody excel in all things but to understand your strength and weakness, portray your strength but work on improving your weakness!
In this process, it is easy to just give up, because it is easy to delude the mind when you give up on something, you cannot lose in the activity you do not do. But it is just like an ostrich trying to hide by putting just its head away. You may apparently win the battle but in fact the war is lost.
Since the fight is on, fight hard to win the war against yourself; myself that is.
Priscilla Loo

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