Satya ain't that easy

I have never been one to be able to handle the truth, be it in what I think or what I see or even what I say. When a young Madonna sang, “We only see what our eyes want to see / We only feel what our hearts want to feel” I did not disagree then. In fact, I went as far as appreciating its poetic lyrics by quoting is as oft as I could, like right now. Only a decade later did those two lines finally resonate with me.
My life has become a series of projections stacked one after another. And like dominos, when everything is based on a flimsy foundation, life can get a bit unstable at best and extremely disruptive in its worst moments.
Where my expectations do not match to the stark reality, I create a world of my own in my head.
Where my actions are in tangent with my intentions, I justify them through logic.
Where my failures abound, I spin alternate realities of their successes.
I see myself as a damaged good currently in repair or in a less harsher term, a work in progress. This progress has been slow but I am on course for recovery. With yoga, simple meditation and self- introspection, I am now mindfully aware of the false thoughts swirling in my head and the untrue words that will come spewing out of my mouth. More importantly I feel that I am finally shedding a layer of hardened habits built from years of fear of failure, invulnerability, and the need for validation.
Living a life of truth is harder that it seems. This truth is more than simply not lying; it is about ensuring that I live the way I want to without subscribing to anyone else’s blueprint; it is about embracing the ugliness of things and detach myself from its outcome; it is about understanding that no one is keeping score of my life.  As uphill a task it might be, it is worth the struggle than facing the uncertainly from building a life on shaky grounds, not knowing when it will, one day, all collapse.
Suffian (Weekday 200hr ttc)

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