Today marks the 2nd week, 8th day of Yoga Teacher Training. I embarked on this 20 day class due to interest as Yoga has helped me to reduce my anxiety and I wanted to know how much more Yoga can offer.
During the first day, I completely underestimated the amount of strength and stamina required for the course. There were little seeds of self doubt within my mind but I brushed it off because well, we were only at Day 1, that it is ok to not keep up.
Day 3 comes and oh boy, this was the lowest I have ever felt in a long time and I was horrified that my new found joy caused it. After observing the classmates and seeing how they could achieve certain poses, keep up with the stamina but I couldn’t, the seeds of self doubt began sprouting. I kept reflecting and thinking is there something I am doing wrongly, is there something I have not done and why am I so weak etc. And when the teachers say your mind reflects during your practice, its true. Because mine did. I was not focusing and found it at least 10x harder to perform asanas because my mind wouldn’t settle.
I went home, dejected and tired. But I decided to give myself another shot that night and I realized that I was able to achieve certain poses at home, alone. Without all the comparisons that I made with that ego of mine. I then realized that whilst I am chasing after the achievements of other people, I forgot to look back at myself who is working hard albeit slowly, I wasn’t able to truly comprehend the meaning of everyone is different and it is ok, my best is good enough.
I celebrated my little achievements that night, felt much lighter and found the fun element back in Yoga. I decided that it is ok that if I am not flexible or strong as my classmates, I just have to work a little harder that’s all. Which I did.
Fast forward to Day 8, I was able to laugh more, smile more during practice. I don’t get dejected when I can’t achieve poses but I look at the extra 1cm I managed to stretch/jump forward. It is true, that your mind can be a frenemy. Celebrate each and every achievements and never compare, that’s my Yoga. For now.