I started practicing meditation as a Buddhist before my yoga practice. However at that time, I was not able to feel about the meditation deeply since my body was too rigid to sit unmoved properly   for long time. The distraction was overwhelming and I could not concentrate at al. I had to tell myself not to give up throughout the process of meditation. To be honest, I did not like it very much although I was told that it would be very beneficial to me.
So many thoughts came in at the first few minutes of meditation. For example, I  feel that my clothes was too tight even though it was actually not tight at all. When the legs became sour, I started to struggle whether I need to change the sitting posture to make myself more comfortable. However,  even I changed my position, after a while, my legs  were sour again. I started to struggle again.
Since I did not enjoy it very much, so I did not practice it often.  Then, I got some yoga videos, and started to practice yoga by following the yoga videos. Gradually,  I found my body became more flexible. At least, I can sit properly in an relaxed mood. I think that was the real starting point of my meditation practice.
After solving the body discomfort problem,  I started practicing meditation almost every day for half hour, normally after one hour yoga. Sometimes when I did not have enough time to do both one hour yoga and half hour meditation, I would still practice half hour meditation.
However, I still felt some resistance in my mind. I found that I just wanted to get some beneficial result from meditation, i.e. solving my sleeping problem. I was too oriented by the result.  When the moment I started to do it, I was thinking of finishing already. To me, it was like to complete a task to exchange something, namely, to fall asleep more easily.
I still carried on for half hour every day. Moreover,  I started to observe my mind. I found the moment I start to observe my mind, the mind would disappear. The moment I started to observe the resistance, the resistance would disappear.  Gradually, I started to enjoy the daily half hour meditation. It becomes the time only for myself and nothing else. The feeling of enjoying the silence  is wonderful.
Now I realise that even though meditation does have so many benefits to us, we cannot practice it just for a result we have wanted. We have to be in it and enjoy it and just practice it without the mind  to gain something from it.
Maybe,  it also applies to our lives! You just enjoy your life and the moment of your life, and  everything you are currently doing and the people that are surrounding you, then the happiness will come. You cannot get happiness just to pursue happiness.
Best Regards
Xie Na (Weekday Hatha/Ashtanga 200hr YTT/6th July intake)

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