The light in yoga

Five years ago, I gave birth to my first baby at the age of twenty-three. It started with a bittersweet life-changing phase that brought many future uncertainties. Lets face it; I was young and was still very much compelled towards the career that pays me a fortune to live that luxurious life anyone could have ever dreamed of. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I could feel my heart sinking to the ground discerning a complete game over even though my husband was tremendously excited when I broke the news. By just watching his gleeful expression, it was extremely heartbreaking to even think about termination. I couldn’t contain myself and broke down day after day searching to replace my soul. Surprisingly, after the delivery I started to see myself in a new light for I have found, at that very moment, an inseparable love of a mother to her child and for that, I felt awfully guilty that I had once thought about letting him go. That thought still haunts me subconsciously up till today, even after having delivered yet another beautiful number two five years later.
When I was first introduced to yoga about two years ago, it felt more to me like a physical sport for the body than it was for the mind and soul. Well to be honest, it didn’t really bother me, as I believed that when the body feels good, the mind benefits too. So I carried on, from attending yoga classes once in every two weeks to three times a week but eventually had to take it easy for a couple of months when I conceived my number two which was fairly recently. Even that, I was still doing headstands up till my sixth month pregnancy and followed through a teacher-led prenatal yoga until just one week before I was admitted to the delivery ward. I came to like practicing yoga particularly when I realized that it was the perfect moment I could be so focused about nothing other than my body and its capabilities. My mind is able to shut itself from all the negative energy build-ups from my corporate life stress, to guilt, insecurities and all the accumulated minuscule issues I could brood over for days. Yes, unfortunately I am someone who thinks a lot and they are mostly emotional feelings that could be entirely unnecessary.
Yoga has helped me realize that for a long time I was thinking way too much about my external distractions, instead of grasping onto my capabilities and use it to its full potential. Especially when I had finally managed to do the headstand unguided for the first time in my life, I told myself that it is only possible when you try and becomes impossible as soon as you give up. For months I kept telling myself that the pose was impossible and indeed it was impossible until the day I attempted to try, everything changes. This was by far, the best reality application that had changed my mindset about possibilities and impossibilities.
With the collected positive vibes, I actually enjoyed my second pregnancy. I was extremely excited particularly about growing my family. Although I didn’t really have the pleasure of work-life balance, I was a much happier person than who I was before. However, I am still challenged by the guilt I had developed from my first pregnancy, that awful guilt of wanting to end the life of someone who meant so much in my life today. I hate this feeling and I need to do something about it.
It was after a divine stroke of inspiration that made me sign up for the yoga TTC with Tirisula which I didn’t really understand what it was but I knew it was guided by my inner self. As I am still undergoing this journey, I knew there will be a pivotal moment where yoga will align myself with my true spiritual nature. Furthermore, as I stayed with my practice, I learned the science in yoga through the unparalleled variety of postures, self-healing techniques, and a spiritual practice for self-realization and enlightenment. I had learned effective stress relief and had achieved a lightness of being from the varied breath control (pranayama) practice. That, coupled with the art of alignment in postures and the yoga philosophy of life all intrigued me, and soon I was hooked on the entire system. From here on, my ultimate goal after accomplishing this 200hr yoga TTC course is to take up the prenatal yoga teaching course and eventually pursue my new found goal in this life – setting up an antenatal specialization services, all in the hopes of supporting new mothers to stay positive, happy and lead a healthy mind, body and soul.
There is a famous Rumi quote that I could relate to:
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
From the wise words of the mantra, yoga can lift us out of the darkness and deliver us into the light. It can liberate us from our fears, and reveal to us a new world of freedom and possibility. Yoga allows us to transcend the limits of the physical mind, to access higher levels of consciousness and awareness.
Written with passion.
Ruby, aspiring doula/ antenatal yoga teacher

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