“I’m breaking the habit tonight!”

The more i am conscious about all my intentions, and try to set them straight, break bad habits, form good ones, the more vulnerable i realize my mental self would get. is this all part of the process?

this is the question i would love to answer today – have not thought about this beforehand, but have noticed it as part of the practice to grow (or relating to yoga, to try and lead a yogic life).

examples.

  1. on the mat. the more i try to stay focused, the more faults of my movements/ poses/ breath/ thinking i identify, and the more unfocused i become.
  2. off the mat. the more i try to stop feeling angry when i recognize that it’s starting to control me, because i remember how it feels, and understand that it serves me no purpose, the more painful the struggle becomes.

why?

it could be that because i have passed the stage of awareness/ acknowledgement, my expectations to improve have risen more. in general, i guess i am impatient (yet another negative characteristic of mine i have recognized and been trying to break). could this impatience be the underlying reason of all the progress i have yet to make? how did this lack of patience come about? easy. from that first time i decide not to be.

i was introduced to the deeper concept of karma recently (than that of “what goes around comes around)”. specifically, we generate karma thru our (let being = ) intention/ motive, action, outcome/ consequence, emotional content, reaction.

according to buddhism, there are 3 types:

  1. Sanchitta. accumulated from the beginning of your existence (whatever you believe in, whether past lives or from the moment you were born), to the current point in your life
  2. Prarabdha. as per my understanding, fructification of just a portion of the accumulation (sanchitta)
  3. Agami. created at the current moment

i think i always subconsciously knew about these concepts (how everything you do impacts something else later on) and i guess such intentional learnings really help raise my awareness of my being at every moment.

for one, why i say i “always knew about these concepts” is because i see that habits are essentially an extension of your karmic patterns. good or bad. if you had a bad one, you will one day be paying it back.

where { being = action, emotional content, reaction }, it’s pretty straightforward, ceteris paribus for each case, that is – if i eat a binge on junk food every day, visually fats will accumulate, and physically i will encounter health issues; if i am impatient in my work, my productivity will be pretty low as i rush thru stuff; if i get upset at a small trigger, i would one day just be overwhelmed by every little thing and get triggered at everything.

and for every being that i have, i know a habit will form because each being is due to my self-justification. “it’s ok for me to have that intent, action, outcome, emotion, reaction”, and more often than not, we have a small voice in our heads that would continue on to say.. “just this once”/ “for now”/ “because xxx”.

if it’s a bad habit, it’s never okay, because that is what adulting means. it means conscientiously trying to define your morals (yama), “image” (niyama), sorting out feelings with clarity, and finally, making the “right” (i.e. informed (experiential/ observational learnings) + morally aligned + socially responsible) decisions.

#Todos

  • observe your intention.
  • think before making the next action.
  • act with the intended outcome in mind.
  • reflect on your current emotional state of mind.
  • “objectify” (i wont say detach emotions but more react in the way you wont regret) a reaction.

after staring at this #Todos, yeah there is no question that the amount of self-control needed, discipline, mindfulness, or even sheer consciousness required is gonna be mentally draining.

then again, if it were so easy, all of us would be saints. i guess that was always my gripe. why humans so flawed? why am I so flawed?

let’s +1 to linkin’ park and start trying to break our habits together tonight ft. #ahimsa. :prayer-hands: