I have a personal motto – “no regrets” – and I have always tried to look forward in my life, and not dwell on the things that I can’t change (not always possible, but I do try!). However, I had an unexpected experience during my yoga journey this past week, that made me realise I do have one big regret. Why did I wait so long to come on my yoga journey?
It came to me after a particularly challenging day for me last week. I stood up to teach my first 3 asanas to my YTT friends, and I was gripped with the most crippling feeling. Fear. It was a feeling that I used to get on a daily basis in my final couple of years of working in investment banking, before I escaped (rescued by my Knight in Shining Armour giving me my first daughter!).
Cold sweat, ringing in my ears, breathlessness, shaking, a horrible buzz of adrenaline racing around my body so that I couldn’t think straight, and the feeling of just being about to faint – and that used to be before I had to present to corporate bankers and clients, not my lovely, warm, smiley Tirisula friends!
It was that feeling in the past that pushed me to run marathons. Running became my form of meditation. I needed to do it to clear my head, and wash away all the negative energy that I had to deal with in my job, and life. I realised though that as much as I love running, and the peace it gives me, it is very one dimensional and so I started to explore more about yoga. I also feel that my body (and mind) will always love yoga, but it won’t always love running. So, the more I discovered, the more I wanted to know, and here I am at Tirisula, finally.
So – I regret not having the courage to change my life’s course before it left a nasty memory imprint, but I have no regrets about this new step onto my yoga path. It feels so right for me, and I’m so excited about it, if somewhat tired… I just need to let go of my past fears, be courageous, and just stand up and teach! Then my journey can continue.