Expectations vs Reality

Everyone can be a yoga teacher, as long as they have the certificate.

I thought it was easy, genuinely. And that made me insecure. How was I to be any different from all the other teachers graduating nearly at the same time as me? I couldn’t even do a headstand then. Plus I was 7 days short of lessons. (out of just 20)

When I came for the first lesson, there was already such a fine line drawn in my mind between giving up and continuing. I was dying in the class from all that chaturangas and all the lack of knowledge comparative to my fellow colleagues who had been in practice for over a week. The sudden temperature change in environment wasn’t helping either, I was breathless from the humidity. Plus waking up early really isn’t my forte. I was finally back after nearly 6 months and I barely had time for myself to rest or to catch up with my friends. But since I’ve already coughed out the money, I had to go. I was, and still am really pushing myself this time round. Frankly I’d have to give credit to my friend who always tells me to push yourself to your maximum, because honestly humans are very capable when stretched.

And so it went on. I think I was already inspired from the first day of theory lesson. I never knew there was so much philosophy behind yoga. How it was beyond postures, how it would ultimately crawl back into your life, and how it did for my instructors, despite them being 100% capable of making big money in other industries. Yoga grounds you, it makes you humble, and it takes things a little slower. It teaches you to work towards something, but not be greedy or obsessive. It teaches you not to compare and not to be preoccupied with the postures or people’s opinions, rather it teaches you self-love and self-awareness. It cleanses your mind of impure thoughts, slowly molding you into a better person from the inside. And I think what’s really beautiful is that the effects can shine through your skin. I’ve never liked people who preached or bragged about things that never showed through their actions but rather it was the success and effort of someone else in the background, and they were merely feeding on it. But Yoga teaches all the opposite.

And yes, this shit is actually tough. I don’t know for others, but it has been a good 15 and counting consecutive lessons of just building my swas, shoulder muscles, arms muscles in chaturanga!! (I can finally go down properly) and every other muscle in the body really. (it is quite timely though considering I have been wanting to cut some weight lately). I have been terribly tempted every night to not go for class the next day by coming up with an excuse, and I’m so glad that I’m already finishing it without breaking the streak. I have gained some newfound respect for yoga teachers who have had to go through this prior to holding a class. And overcoming that fear of constantly breaking your neck during weird poses was really another level as well. Not to mention, having to teach your own fellow colleagues who would rate you immediately after. Wish I could store my confidence in a jar and release it during the teachings, and not beg for it to come out while teaching. Reality sucks, but reality also helps you discover a lot about yourself. That everything is always going to be tough if you want results to show. And it’s so worthwhile.