From disengagement to awareness

My first yoga experience was six years ago. But until this time I didn’t make much progress in terms of gaining flexibility and strength. That’s because I didn’t practice regularly, every time I restarted yoga I had to start from the beginning. Like many people, my gain was doing some exercise with asanas, instead of going to GYM studios. Doing some basic yoga asanas at the studio was making me satisfied after very tiring day of work. Of course once a week studio practice did gave me nothing. Last 4 years, I tried to practice at home only once in a while with missing correct alignments. Huge knowledge behind asana practice and the philosophy behind yoga was always a missing part.
No need to go deeper or think deeply about life as my gastroenterology doctor said once I was suffering from gastric ulcer. (I told him that I was doing yoga). According to my doctor, my illness was created by stress so that too much deep thinking would make me more sick and impossible to sustain what I was doing at that time. That was true, unsustainable conditions made me sick but I did nothing to prevent myself from stress! (As I was working for a monthly magazine for the half of the month I was relaxed, the rest of the time was stressed, especially with killing deadlines every month). As I didn’t create any other option for myself I continued my life like that…
Uppss!!! Disengagement! Error! My body and mind connection was lost somewhere. My mind couldn’t read and listen my body. I couldn’t get contacted with my body. What was my body saying to me? I got totally deaf even though my body was giving me very clear signals, like ulcer. I ignored my body as I was under treatment. I thought I would become better after the process was done. But it didn’t happen that way. I struggled with lots of stress on my shoulders. (Would that be the reason for my tight shoulders? J) I didn’t know about Raja Yoga at that time –body, mind, and soul connection. I wish I knew that firstly mind would read body and secondly body would connect with soul, which is Raja Yoga.
After giving birth, I realized that I needed to do something for myself. Not for anyone, just for myself: for my body, my mind, and my spirit… As I started 200 hours Hatha-Ashtanga Teacher Training Program I am getting more and more awareness after each lesson about yoga and its philosophy behind through asanas, pranayama techniques, reading sensations, body-mind-soul connection, chakras, and anatomy knowledge etc.
Getting more awareness has already started changing my life style and way of thinking even though I am at the very beginning of this journey. I know it is a long way to go. I am gaining more patience and strength on the way. I am more than willing to path on the way with meaningful changes in my life.

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