During the philosophy class, one notion disturbed me (and continues to do so): samsara. First, in a negative way and later, in a positive, too. Most important, it made me remember how I met yoga.
Bad first contact
First, the explanation about samsara made me think back to painful events that I experienced but with a new point of view. Which is normally positive.
But in my case, the pain reappeared. At this precise moment, I would like to scream and cry. I couldn’t breath properly. I just focused on holding back my tears until the end of the class. The pain was so strong, that it was even physical.
I understood the concept (well, I think), but by applying it to these events, I could not accept the result.
Samsara brings you to yoga
During a next philosophy class, it was said that samsara brings you to yoga. View my previous contact with this notion, I was quite skeptical. But little by little, memories came back to me. And I was surprised to see that maybe it wasn’t so far from the truth.
When yoga arrived in my life
Where I come from and when I was a child, yoga was considered as a New Age idea spread by hippies. There was only one teacher in my area. Her daughter was one of my friend. So, I heard a little about yoga. During this same period, I attend at school to a yoga discovery class with my mother’s friend. I remembered asking my parents to continue to take some lessons. For different reasons, it was not possible.
Few years later, I discovered a passion for Asia and Buddhism. At the time, I even told my parents that I was going to convert. Yes, I know what you think, but I was only 13 years old! I think it was more to show a rebel spirit. In my family, we lived a kind of war of religions. If spirituality has always interested me, my parents did not practice at all.
However, I kept my interest for Asia and its “traditions”. This passion stays until it was time to choose what I would like to study at the university. My first choice was to study Sinology. Inside sinology, you should choose 2 languages and one of my choice was sanskrit and hindi.
Finally, I could not study Sinology. The only university to give these courses was in the German-speaking part of my country and I wasn’t fluent enough.
Yoga is gone
I must say that I have never been sporty. My sport teachers at school did not like me and this feeling was fully shared.
When I arrived at the university, many activities were offered and among them, yoga. Of course, it was my first choice. But I couldn’t attend to the course because of my schedule.
After that, yoga has completely disappeared from my life. I traveled to Central America where the mood was more salsa than yoga.
Seven years ago, yoga reappeared in my life. I remembered really well how I decided to go to my first course. At the time, I worked in a theater, which means that my schedule (again!) was completely irregular. My work days often started at 8:30 am and sometimes ended at 2 am.
It took me months to find a yoga center that gave classes that were compatible/flexible with my life and at a fair price.
I think back to my first course… I arrived completely stressed with the desire to leave because I had this horrible feeling of school and sports classes. But after, the course, I knew: Yoga has reappeared for good. An EVIDENCE.
Since that day, I practice several times a week and in recent years, almost every day. It became an automatism, a bit like washing my teeth.
What a journey! I don’t know if it’s my samsara but I cannot deny that yoga was often around me. Until following the yoga teacher training right now!
Teaching: maybe yes, maybe not
This is the current BIG question. When I think of this whole way, I imagine that maybe teaching yoga is for me. But the minute after, I think of all those bad yoga teachers. I do not want to be a bad yoga teacher. They are numerous enough. Ooops…
When I announced to some of my friends that I was going to do the YTT, most of them told me that it was so me. I was really surprised of those reactions. By the way, I’m not sure I really understand what it means “it’s so me”…
Honestly, a week away from completing the training, I don’t know.
I think I refuse to admit that I would like (I dream for a long time?) to be a yoga teacher because I do not feel up to it. Yoga is important to me and I wish I could share it in the right way. On the other hand, if I do not become a teacher, I wonder how to continue my practice after the YTT.
Anyway. We’ll see… Until then, we must study a little and still pass the exams.