Our 200-hour yoga teacher training comes to the end. It is a tough experience, both physically and mentally.
It took me a lot of guts to sign up for a course like this. I like to practise yoga, it requires the discipline and commitment which I always think I’m lack of, by showing up to the studio constantly makes me feel energetic and content. I like yoga with passion but had never thought of teaching yoga until one day my friend asked me if I want to be a yoga teacher.
‘Never. I’m not good enough.’ I answered immediately.
But a seed has been planted. They gave me a book ‘How yoga works’ before they left Singapore. Six months later I’m coming for the training, not to become a teacher but a study to understand yoga more and to deepen my own practise.
If I have known the course would be like this beforehand, maybe I won’t come. I’m busy with my life: I enjoy reading, cooking, painting and writing Chinese Calligraphy, and plenty of friends and activities. I don’t have to take challenges.
A month is short, but just within a month, I have so much ups and downs. Sometimes I feel happy and fulfilled, most of the time I’m confused, frustrated and exhausted mentally. I’ve never worked so hard in my entire life. When I finally get familiar with these strange muscle names, I face a even bigger challenge – teaching. I’ve never set intention for teaching, but I’m willing and want to learn it since I’m already here. For whole week I struggled even in my dream. I know what I’m doing, I can instruct in my mind, but it becomes so dull when it comes out of my mouth. So emotional, I melted down one day.
Well the life is like that, isn’t it? There’s always a payback time when you think you’re quite balanced. But again dark cloud always comes with the sliver lining, I start to realise I’m tougher than I thought, I can perform better than I believed myself, even I can be a teacher with more practise.
Maybe it’s the yoga that brings to me: Life is the learning process of knowing yourself and striving to go beyond the limit.
Kathy
7th February

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