Recognizing

So I bang into anger and despair again. They are never a stranger to me. What really confuse me is why are they here? I don’t recall inviting them to the moment. I am here to gain knowledge, to overcome weakness, to be a stronger me, not to see these annoying exaggerated feelings that happen to be the greatest enemy in my life. Oh, yes. I really hate them. They took my breath away and close my senses down. I am the ugliest me whenever they are around.

So I stared at the ugly me, with the tiny little strength that I have developed during the practice, I can be as strong as this anger, who they think they are to put me down. I decided to confront, myself. ‘Show me what you’ve got, and tell me what you want’, I told anger n despair.

They looked at me with insulting smile and kept quiet, all the way.

‘I hate you’, i start shouting at them, ‘so much that I am going to destroy you’,I scream loudly enough to realize no one is receiving this voice but myself. Anger and despair stood right next to me with the same smile that they always have.

I cried, like a child crying for not getting what he or she wants. ‘I lose again.’ I say.

Wait, no. You are not. Now, look up, look around again. Anger has walked away, he doesn’t look happy obviously. Despair stood right beside me, staring on her toes as usual. This is not happy either. No one really wins. There is no competition, it is what it is, just that. Breathe came, with the bliss from the dawn, I saw happy, excitement and many more in the jars. They are all next to me, but enclosed, in the jars.

Now I see. I have entered the room of emotions, and chose to meet anger and despair.They are not bad. They are strong feelings, just that.