Life Is a Tricky Game between You and Your Desire

For most of the time in our lives, we are chasing after something, one thing, without knowing what it is that we are searching for. It is our desire, which might be the yearning for attention, the need for acceptance or anything. We are busy with all sorts of things in our lives but it all boils down to the seeking of some ways or another that could satisfy this inner desire of ours. It keeps us hungry for one thing after another, so you keep running after them just to get disappointed again and again but never contented. It is like playing catching with someone in a maze, he knows exactly where you are and keeps dropping wrong hints to lead you running around like a monkey but you do not even know that you are playing the game, or being played.

Recalling all those things that I have been doing all my life, I finally realize on this day that they are all driven one single source of motivation – the desire for admiration. I studied hard, really hard, when I was young. Since I was a child I have enjoyed the compliments from my teachers and parents for my good grades. I liked to be seen as one of the smarter kids. Then I got tired of sitting in front of my desk with books all the time and realized that there were just too many smart kids out there. So I took a different path and went overseas to study on my own. Bingo! I could make people go “wow” on my courage to live an independent life overseas at such a young age. But the same story cannot be fascinating when it is told too many times. I need something more exciting and non-mainstream. There came the start of my cheerleading career; and now, this 200 hour Yoga course that I am undertaking. All these add on to my collection of life stories that I tell people to fulfill my desire to gain their admiration, unknowingly. It is hard to admit that I have been chasing after the carrot my ego hangs in front of me for years like a donkey. But it would be even more foolish to continue living in denial. It is time to tear down the walls of this maze and regain control of my life.

Here comes the best part. Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles a thousand victories. A little cliché, but it is nonetheless words of wisdom. We chase after things that we think we want but are actually meaningless because we fail to see the root desire that is driving us on. In the end we could only be disappointed. It is like taking pain killer but not curing the cause of the infection. As time passes, the dosage has to be increased and the drug would eventually lose its effect. But once we understand why we do what we do, we look beyond the carrot that is hanging in front of us. Instead, we begin to see things as they are and would finally be able to focus on the task rather than the expected outcome. This is when we are able to recognize the paths that we have taken and eventually find the way out of the maze that our desire tries to trap us in.

To freedom and expansion of our lives! (:

 

Gwen Wu Guiyan