I hated my body

Two years ago I was so self-conscious about my weight and body, and loathed wearing jeans because of what I saw in the mirror and it filled me with so much pain and disappointment. You would have thought I had an unhealthy diet. I was health conscious and I would eat all the superfoods, but, I would also binge eat on certain junks then binge exercise on guilt, and repeatedly asked myself “why did I lose control over food in my life?”
I didn’t have an answer back then, but a turning point in life came and made me realise that I had to start looking inwards. As I worked on healing both on and off the yoga mat, life gradually began to feel different and so did my perspective. These changes took place over months and years, and it made be realise that its ok being OK with myself and who I am than just losing weight. All it took was a little compassion. Here are some of the changes:-
1. I became kinder to myself 
The more I loathed myself, the more I felt like I had to punish myself for eating that instant noodle, that packet of chips, that slice of pizza, that creamy pasta. But as my perspective shifted, food should be a source of joy, to be shared with people and conversation, not suffering. As I fully accepted myself and my body, I was able to eat whatever I wanted and not feel guilty about it. I was no longer eating on emotions - be it stress, anger, sadness, or the feeling of out of control. I was more aware of my emotions; I watched them closely and in turn, do not react on it. Emotions, like the weather, come and go. There are days when I slip up, but I do not punish myself for it and intuitively know what to do to return to a balanced life.
2. I started to feel comfortable in my own skin 
I was no longer obsessing over my weight of the size of my body. More importantly, the moment I accepted who I am, I stopped feeling conscious about what other people thought of it. They are entitled to their opinion and judgments and all I could do was to control my mind, not theirs.
3. I felt lighter and less encumbered inside out 
The less I hated my body, the more I gained awareness of it. I took time to nourish, rest and move it with purpose and in turn, creating a healthier me living inside a stronger body.
4. Cut out toxic
Lastly and most importantly, the key to self love is to remove 'toxic' in life. Thoughts, emotions, relationships and people. Do not spend a moment on negativity. Channel all your positivity to things and people that energise you. Take care of that body. Try practising saucha (sanskrit for purity and cleanliness). Practising asanas (yoga postures) tones the body and pranayama (using the breathe to strengthen the flow of life and body) cleanses our lungs and purifies nerves. Purity of thoughts leads to purity of the body, which attracts energy in life.
may you live long and prosper 🙂
Shi Jye
200hr Hatha/Ashtanga Weekends – July 2015