Acting on my Thoughts — Forgiving myself

“Don’t waste time on people who are not worthy of it.”

This advice has been circulating in my world for the past few years, and I have often fallen back on it as an excuse to escape from having to deal with emotions.

A classmate shared today that she’s been bothered by the lack of closure in some relationships, and I started wondering about mine. K is a friend I’ve held close for a long time before I decided I didn’t have to put up with her mean words and actions anymore. For the past few years since I stopped talking to her, I often wondered how I’d behave if I bump into her on the streets. I still cared about her but I couldn’t let go of the anger.

Today after class, I sent her a text to apologise, tell her I still cared about her, thanked her for her friendship, and finally asked her to meet up for tea in February. She readily agreed.

A few years ago, one of my aunts told me that if you think about someone, just let them know; don’t let your fear of rejection hold you back.

From Pratyahara to Dharana, I’m going to consciously make an effort to actively deal with the negative emotions inside me, and brave through the fear.

In other news, I just text my ex to apologise for any wrong I’ve done him, and that I have forgiven him for what he has done.

I thought I was being generous with my forgiveness, but the liberating lightness that I feel makes me understand that forgiving others is actually forgiving myself.

 

Jo